I’m not going to even begin to try to catch up from my last post. I’ve been missing in action from this blog because I’ve had a rough time since I last posted. I haven’t been eating much anyway. I’ve had a loss of appetite. I haven’t deviated much from the usual meal routine though, so nothing new there, just less of it in portions.
The dizziness is back slightly and I’m still running a low grade temp on and off. I’ve had abdominal cramping everyday, some diarrhea, sharp pains in my lower abdomen, occassional nausea but no vomiting, and a sinus headache. I’ve been sleeping like crazy. On Tuesday morning, I woke up with the most horrific abdominal cramping that I’ve had in a long time. My symptons this time were different. I’ve never had this happen before. Usually, my stomach will cramp and then the trips to the restroom start. This time, I had severe cramping and it was happening in intervals similar to how labor pains come in intervals. Normally after a couple of times my body would eliminate whatever it needed to. This time, it just continued to severely cramp on and off from 9:15am to 11:30, acompanied by some shooting abdominal pains, waves of nausea, and the killer of them all, the “Phantom Pain!”
Yes, I had the freakin’ Phantom Pain at the same time all this other stuff was going on! This has never happened. I was rolling around in my bed like a two year old with knees up to my chin almost, arms wrapped around my legs and chin tucked like I was preparing for the crash position on a plane. I don’t know what it is about balling up that makes us think it’s gonna feel better, but I remained a ball… well sometimes I did the other kid position where you get on your knees with your head down and stick your butt up in the air. For some reason only known by the authors of the laws of gravity, sticking your butt up in the air with your head down seems to cause the pain to ease up. I think it’s “the shifting of weight and position of organs divided by the earths gravitational pull to the third power times the square root of the distance from the moon to your belly button” that does it. That’s what I think. Whatever it is about that position, it works.
So I did that, alternating between tuck and roll vs. elevated buttocks until the rest of my body members voted unanimously that it was time to make a run for the border. Although my brain somewhat protested and said” call 911 and go back to emergency! I command you! I am the brain!” , my feet immediately disobeyed and ran me straight into the bathroom.
Now, unfortunately as human beings, you’ve all had a bout with some type of serial killer abdominal flu virus, or government approved food poisening. Thus and there with you are familiar with the “Bathroom Pleading Prayer” that takes place along with that… you know the one… don’t you? Where you’re sittin there and both ends are about to blow, and you’re holding your stomache, you’re gettin’ light headed, sweat is startin’ to pop out and you’re rockin’ back and forth? You know… that one? And the whole time you feel like you’re dyin’ and you’re scared so you start prayin’ and asking forgiveness for everything you did since you were born and you’re pleadin’ with God not to let you die right then? Huh? You know… the one where you’re callin’ on God and Jesus and the Holy Ghost and you’re trying to remember how speakin’ in toungues goes and you can’t get your clothes off fast enough and you need a cold towel to put on your face and finally you just lay down in the floor? Still praying?
Yeah! That’s the one I’m talkin’ about!
Well, that’s the one I had, only difference is since I go through it more often I have some prayer credits on automatic payment so all I have to do is the rocking back and forth thingy and just say Jesus every now and then! After all that pain, I just knew there had to be some bleeding or something, but to my surprise, and a good sign of things, I escaped the grips of death by elimination with no discoloration in the swirling waters that were plunging to the depths of Sheol (yes, again… I know I get carried away).
There’s been an uprising in my bowels and my building since I last posted and the police have been here daily, sometimes more than once a day because the infamous “Neighbors with the Barking Dog” have now shifted into hyper drive and are fighting daily. I mean fightin’ like they’re rival gang members, except they all live in the same apartment. If it’s possible to do a drive by in your living room, it’ll probably happen next door. Anyway, the constant and frightening fighting has escalated to the point of physical bashing so my colon has been involved in some kinda “Boyz in the hood” type drama. Ha! That’s funny… Colon In The Hood! This is a really great neighborhood, don’t get me wrong. You can still go for a walk at night, and this building was peaceful. I’m gonna have to give my bowels a break and maybe go stay somewhere until the war dies down. I’m positive this has played a huge part in my excessive pain over the past few days.
You’ve been reading Colon Update with your host Patience . I think y’all are reading this, even though I don’t have ONE SINGLE COMMENT ON MY PAGE YET!!!! Oooops. Unecessary emotional outburst… time to go.
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I have UC and from my experience believe in the psychoneuroimmunological theory behind the condition aka stress! From having children I have come across a few mentions of how they’ve noticed people with UC often had a stressful babyhood, that ends up “wiring” the brain up in a way where the body doesn’t do stress very well later on.
Anyway I’ve recently discovered TFT, helps you worry differently, how to get things to upset you less. Really helping me feel less stressed.
Now if I can find something to make me less tired I’d be most grateful!
I’d be interested in finding out more about TFT. So far, I’ve only found 1 thing that helps with my energy and that’s Ensure. The only flavor I like is the chocolate one, the rest of them just don’t do it for me. If I drink at least one Ensure a day, I tend to have more energy. It’s a little pricey though. Doesn’t bother my digestive system either.
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